Our Zombie Policy

This is the Hendrix Policy regarding Zombies. I was on the Zombie creation committee that formed it.

Undead Student Affairs

ZOMBIE INFECTION

In the case of an infection, classes will be canceled immediately. RAs will provide students with guidance, but students are reminded to stay clear of people showing wounds or visibly stumbling. Due to the walking dead’s (hereafter referred to as “zombie”) desire for brains, Hendrix College’s safe point will be Martin hall. RAs will be there for guidance. Best case scenario, the school will be cleared and everyone can return to their normal lives in short order.

In event of zombie infection, the new H-Alert system is designed to inform students of the varying levels of threats.

H-Alert Codes

Zombie Level Four: This is the least severe alert. This means that a positive case has been identified within the continental United States. Students should not be alarmed, but should be cautious when dealing with strangers especially on party nights or Martin at any time.

Zombie Level Three: This alert level signifies that there has been a positive case within Faulkner County. Students are required to stay in their rooms until further notice. RAs will be updating students, but all students should require vocal assurance that the outsider is not a zombie. At this point classes are canceled until further notice.

Zombie Level Two: This alert level indicates that either someone on campus has been confirmed. Classes are canceled immediately, and everyone is to report back to their rooms. Like Zombie Level Three: RAs will insure that students are alright and provide updates. Students are reminded that concealing bites or friends with bites is both a federal offense and a violation of college policy, equivalent of a Major Alcohol Violation.

Zombie Level One: This alert signifies that Hendrix or Conway has been at least partially overrun by zombies. Hendrix encourages safe travel back home, and will be providing as much support as possible on the top floors of Martin, Couch, and Galloway. Students are urged to travel with caution and avoid major roads or large groups of people. (If one or all of these buildings is overrun, alternates will be sent via H-Alert.

ZOMBIE EMERGENCY RESPONSE

In case of more severe outbreaks; the school will be closed until further notice. Transport will be provided, but as clusters of people are easy targets, we recommend securing your own mode of transport home. Hendrix recommends students pair off or get into groups between three and six and locate a vehicle for emergency, but we recommend not having any more people per vehicle than there are doors. Cars with sun roofs are discouraged. Hendrix recommends staying away from interstates as congestion and large amounts of humans make these waiting disaster areas.

If escape from campus is impossible, the ideal locations for waiting for emergency response are the top floors of each building. Staff will be there to barricade the stairs within an hour of an H-alert being issued dealing with zombies. Each student is encouraged to bring a supply of non-perishable goods with them to the safe areas, as Hendrix cannot guarantee that food services will continue to operate during a zombie outbreak.

hENDRIX POLICY REGARDING ZOMBIES

It is Hendrix policy, as well as federal law (Zombie Registration Act 2003,) that anyone bit or injured by a suspicious character must report to a designated observation facility until testing can confirm infection. Health Services is equipped with both holding and testing facilities.

While Hendrix encourages activism and is an all-inclusive institution, it is college policy that zombies are not allowed on campus, regardless of their containment level. Those found to be in support of zombies will face disciplinary action. Hendrix reminds everyone that zombies are not alive (see ZRA 2003, amendment 1490) and Hendrix is supported by federal law in its discrimination of the undead (Amendments 130a and 2011, and ZRA 2003 Section II.)

Anyone found harboring a bite victim will be immediately expelled from the school after confirmation of no infection. Public Safety has been trained in the disposal of zombies harbored by students.

Hendrix policy also prohibits ‘zombie paraphernalia’, including, but not limited to: hands, feet, eyes and teeth of zombies. Possession will result in at least a two year suspension and reporting to the proper authorities.

ORLY?

So, I was perusing the Yahoo front page, which is what I do when I'm bored and Qwantz hasn't updated yet, when I noticed this right middle:



Now, I'm a Steve Irwin fan. I never watched his show, but I heard him made fun of many times while I was growing up, and I have to say, he seemed like a cool guy. I mean, the guy wrestled with crocs and stuff, so he's gotta be cool.

But, I want you to notice something; it says that he believed his life would be cut short by something. Then, and this is the kicker, the sub headline is 'a real sixth sense.'

Really?

The guy who wrestled crocs and battled sharks with his bare hands guessing that he would probably not die in his sleep is "a sixth sense"? Come on.

Also... in honor of zombie week, we have zombie Steve Irwin:


P.S.: I originally read it, I thought it said "he believed his WIFE would be cut short by something and thought how cruel was this man to think something would cut his wife short.... then I found my mistake.

OH NOES THERE IT WENT

Finished the paper. Woot.

In other news, a boy in Wisconsin... Michigan... I guess, shot at a football game that was going on. Like with guns. He injured a few people, it was really sad and all, but what I noticed was what the Police cheif said:

"It was kind of a kid thing," Cliff said. "One makes the other one mad, and (one) goes and gets a gun."

A kid thing?

OH NOES HERE IT COMES

NATIONAL ZOMBIE AWARENESS WEEK STARTS TODAY

I will hopefully post some useful zombie avoidance information later tonight or tomorrow, but as of now I am writing a 15 page paper due at four tomorrow, and I have 2.5 pages.

Good luck, me.

Opening in every city tomorrow

I would like to remind everyone that tomorrow is the start of National Zombie Awareness Week. In honor of that I am showing this video which references the UFC. Enjoy. Oh, Later I will have some pointers on getting ready for NZAW 2007.

Opportunities for success!

I have some life goals I want to share with you. This is a work in progress, but tonight I'm going to give you a sample of three:

1. Pull open the blinds and scare the poo out of a kid. (Poo optional.) I've always wanted to be that creepy guy that scares kids on the street. Hopefully this goal will get easier as I get older.

2. Win an election. I have lost elections for Senior Class Treasurer, Freshman Rep, Hardin Hall Rep, Intramurals rep, Politcs Rep, and Vice President of the Senate. I would like to eventually win something. We'll see.

3. Finish this list. And this screenplay for USC. Both of these will happen soon.

Order, Law and

Oo, Emm, Gee, guys

So... I don't really have anything to write about today. Oh, nevermind, I forgot about Robot Sex.

David Levy at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlends told some people, as part of his, I believe, doctoral disertation that Robots would not only become advanced enough to make the beast with two backs, but would also legally be allowed to marry humans in Massachusetts by 2050.

I'm not kidding you.

My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots," artificial intelligence researcher Levy told LiveScience. Levy recently completed his Ph.D. work on the subject of human-robot relationships, covering many of the privileges and practices that generally come with marriage as well as outside of it.

I wanted to make some ridiculing statements, but then Levy did it for me:

There's a trend of robots becoming more human-like in appearance and coming more in contact with humans," Levy said. "At first robots were used impersonally, in factories where they helped build automobiles, for instance. Then they were used in offices to deliver mail, or to show visitors around museums, or in homes as vacuum cleaners, such as with the Roomba. Now you have robot toys, like Sony's Aibo robot dog, or Tickle Me Elmos, or digital pets like Tamagotchis."

In his thesis, "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners," Levy conjectures that robots will become so human-like in appearance, function and personality that many people will fall in love with them, have sex with them and even marry them.

He also forsees robot sex within the next five years.

I... I rust don't know what to say. But let me be the first to call the next development in this:

Oops, it's thursday

I ended up being stuck in meetings all night when I was planning on posting. As a reward I'm giving you this video:

Props go to MK of Iron Wrought Wysteria for pointing this out to me the other day. It is pretty much the best ever.

Also, this week in tools... how does everyone feel? I think it's kind of fallen flat. Opinions? Should I keep doing it? Let me know.

In other news, a friendly reminder that National Zombie Awareness week starts on Susan 25, which is just over a week away. Every should start planning now. There will be at least one event at my school. It will be awesome.

October Award

In lieu of a printable, framable certificate, I have decided to have a stand in award that will hopefully hold Susan over until I can make a solid, worthy award certificate.

That being said, I decided to rename October in her honor. From now on, forever, it shall be known as Susan. For example, here is the Wikipedia page, new and improved:

Susan is the tenth month of the year in the Gregorian Calendar and one of seven Gregorian months with a length of 31 days. In the northern hemisphere, Susan is commonly associated with the season of autumn.

Susan begins in western tropical astrology with the sun in the sign of Libra and ends in the sign of Scorpio. Astronomically speaking, the sun actually begins in the constellation of Virgo and ends in the constellation of Libra.

In Latin, Susan means "eight," reflecting the fact that Susan was the eighth month in the Roman calendar.

Other names

• •In Czech, Susan is called říjen. The origin of this name is in the deer's belling in this month.
• •A traditional Dutch name for Susan is Wijnmaand ("wine month") because the first wines of the year have ripened.
• In Finnish, Susan is called lokakuu, meaning "month of dirt".
• In the old Japanese calendar, Susan was called Kannazuki (神無月? also pronounced Kaminazuki), literally meaning the godless month, due to an old belief that in that month, the gods gathered in one spot to discuss the affairs of the world. Thus, in that month, the gods were inaccessible. (It actually means, "month of the gods", however, as the "na" is actually a possessive particle and the 無 character is ateji.)
• In Latin, Susan is called Octubre, or VIIIber (where VIII is the Roman number 8, in Latin "octo"). The name is due to the fact that it was the 8th month in the early Julian calendar beginning in March.
• In Russian, Susan is called "Октябрь"
• In Scottish Gaelic, Susan is called an Damhar, meaning "rutting time" (of stags).
• In Turkish, Susan is called Ekim, meaning "sowing" because of the sowing of wheat.
• In Welsh, Susan is called "Hydref", meaning "autumn".
• Susan in the Northern Hemisphere is the seasonal equivalent to April in the Southern Hemisphere and vice versa.
• Susan's birthstone is the opal or tourmaline.
• Susan's flower is the calendula or cosmos.
• The month Susan has become famous as "Red Susan", due to the Russian Susan revolution of 1917, although in the modern Gregorian calendar, the revolution started in November.
• In the nineteenth century, the month of Susan was dedication to devotion to the rosary in Roman Catholic countries..

I think this has been enlightening for all of us. I also think, to avoid confusion we should all now call Susan Wijnmaand to make everything easier.

Congratulations, Susan.

October Life Lessons

So, I was exploring Nunchucks on Wikipedia, trying to settle a debate (Don't laugh. Nunchucks are serious.) and I discovered this section of the Nunchuck (Or Nunchaku entry): Freestyle

Freestyle nunchaku is a modern style of performance art using the nunchaku as a visual tool rather than as a weapon. With the growing prevalence of the Internet the availability of nunchaku has increased greatly, combining this with the popularity of YouTube and other video sharing sites many people have become interested in learning how to use the weapons for freestyle displays. Freestyle is one discipline of the competitions held by the World Nunchaku Association.

So... I decided... really? I know everything is on Youtube, but this I had to see. So here's what I discovered: a nunchaku tutorial.

God bless america.

Optional Schedule

This is an appology to all of my regular readers, although I saw two of the three of you this weekend, that I was on Fall break. I thought I would have computer access at home but this was not the case the time I tried to log in. My appologies. Will resume posting on Monday.

October's Second "This Week in Tools"

Or How I ended up saving Atlantic City.

Recently, I posted a story about the "Runaway Mayor" on my blog. See Here

So, after my rip-roaring exposé , the mayor came under increasing pressure to do something.

I'll be honest here... he sent hit men after me. I was able to fend them off using a variety of self defense techniques and classic slap stick maneuvers. Needless to say, pies were harmed in the making of this blog.

Anyway, after this botched coup on Something Clever, Atlantic City Mayor Robert Levy was forced to resign.

The only disappointing aspect in this debacle is that now that he has resigned, it clears the way for the City Council President William "Speedy" Marsh to assume the role of mayor. His name is "Speedy." I'm just saying Atlantic City should never be allowed to vote again. Ever.

October Awareness Award

So, my friend Susan was the first to notice something. While I won't give away what it is, I do want to present her with the First Ever October Awareness Award.

This award goes to those most aware of October, from the start of it, all the way to the end of it.

Congratualations Susan. Some day soon I'll have an award certificate for you, suitable for framing.

Oops, the mayor's a felon.

So, I came across this story this weekend:

Atlantic City mayor drops out of sight

Under federal investigation for embellishing his Army service in Vietnam, a groggy-sounding Mayor Robert Levy called in sick at City Hall, climbed into his city-issued Dodge Durango and seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth.

So, that was pretty entertaining. Apparently this guy called in sick and hasn't been heard of since. But the truly interesting part of this story is that the main reason he did it was because he was under investigation for lying about his service. And then the story continues into probably the most awesome part:

The mystery and the gathering scandal over Levy's military record have worried civic leaders in this seaside casino resort, which has a long history of corruption, with four of the last eight mayors busted on graft charges and one-third of last year's nine-member City Council in prison or under house arrest.

Half of the past mayor's and a third of the most recent city councilmen have been in trouble with the law. Hell, that makes Huckabee look like a saint.

Seriously, I am one for supporting democracy and all, but how many times do you strike out before just say, alright, that's enough?

Oops,

I was an accidental activist today. So, my friend Jan (Most people I call by initials, but hers are JEW, so that would be awkward) called me and asked me to go to something this after noon. I get horrible reception on my cell phone in my room. I couldn't quite make out what she was saying, but it sounded like something at a church, a mass or something. We were going to ride to our bikes there, and see what was going on.

We biked about ten minutes from campus to Proway's downtown. There we stopped in a park. After a minute of just sitting there, expecting some sort of communion or baptism or something, I asked "what are we doing?" Oh, this is where we're supposed to meet everyone, Jan said. (I should point out at this ... point that my friend MR was there as well. This was confusing because she is an atheist.)

Anyway, we waited for a few more minutes, and then another guy biked up, followed by three more bikers. (Bicycles, not motorcycles.)

It was at that point that I realised that the mass Jan had discussed was not new church mass but Critical mass.

Critical mass, as opposed to a church service where they shout at you and tell you you should have worn different shows with that belt or not been gay, is a biker rally designed to raise awareness for global issues, or just people who want more bike lanes. It kind of looks like this:



And that is the story of how I became an accidental activist.

October 25-31: Zombie Awareness Week

So, this just in: October 25-31 is National Zombie Awareness Week.

This blog will be featuring several "Zombie Reports," informational blogs about zombies and what to do in case of an outbreak.

This is just a heads up as a way to prepare, as campuses and cities across the country should prepare for NZAW (Pronounced In- Zah.)

Thank you, and have a nice day.

On China

I have a test tomorrow. It is about China. China is a large country that is screwing up my night. That is all I know about it, and is probably why I am spending time studying rather than writing a blog.

More tomorrow

oh no, what have I done!

I have an addition to "This Week in Tools." I was watching heroes tonight, trying to enjoy some entertainment and a nice glass of wine, when I realized I had been betrayed. I poured myself a glass of Cheeta wine. From this bottle:

See the cheeta?

Anyway, this wine, Sebeka, was a white chardonnay. And it tasted like ass. It should be called Sebetrayus.

Seriously, if you can't enjoy wine with a cheeta on it, what's the world coming to?

October's first This Week in tools

So, I've been a bit busy, so I've had my friend, Zombie Polar Bear, write some things for me for This Week in Tools. Here it is, unedited:


damnit, ZPB. This isn't craigslist, it's my blog. Is that all you have to say for yourself?

Oh, what will zombies think of next?

So, I went to see Resident Evil 3 last night, and I have some important notes for everyone interested.

1. Zombies like Sony Ericsons. Whatever those phones are, they can't get enough of them. I found a picture of the Ericson release, and it rivaled the iPhone.



They just can't get enough.

2. Zombies are awesome.

3. We need to keep our eye on Mars. In the movie, the entire world is turned into a desert, constantly referenced by zoom out shouts to make sure that you know that while they are in Las Vegas, its still a desert everywhere else too. Apartently when the world is a zombie, it looks like a desert. Anyone else know any desert planets?
Mars, I've got my eye one you. And while we're at it:


The moon. You know its just sitting there, wanting to eat our brains. We need to prepare.

4. Computers, regardless of how advanced their AI is, are still retarded. So, they locate Mila, the lead of the movie, and spot her by satelite. And the computer says "We've found her." "Where?" "In the desert." Way to narrow it down. Although, to be fair, no one questioned it.

5. A zombie infection must never reach Alaska. I'll give you three reasons: Zombie. Polar. Bears.


Yeah. This was only hinted at in the movie, an escape to Alaska, but damn. All they need to do is say "Zombie Bears," and I'm in.

Oh, BTW

The new me. FYI, JIC, LOL, TTYL

Obama

Now, I think its fair enough to say that I am an Obama fan. I donated to his campaign (which was my first ever political donation) and have advocated his canidacy since before he announced. That being said, I do have one problem:

Seriously? I mean... Seriously?

P.S: If someone wanted to buy me that shirt... I would wear it. Not the Che one. I may be a liberal middle-class college student... but I'm not tacky.