So, I think it's about time for me to be getting a haircut. I did get one about six weeks ago, but the shag is slowly reclaiming its dominance over my scalp and the time has come to put it in its place.
I have a few options, which I will put here for everyone to view. (Don't be alarmed, ladies, my hair hasn't been cleaved from me yet. I know this image is convincing, but it's just special computerized graphics, like they use in hollywood.)
Option one: The Old Stand-By. This is the one from the days of old. I go into Proway's local Sports Clips and ask Susie, my long time sports friendly stylist to make it shorter all around. She then attacks my head with clippers, occasionally hitting my chin area as well. I emerge with a clean cut head that lasts until a shower, and then that shit goes wild again.
Option two: The Complete Shave. In this haircut I would have one of my many friends, of which I have many, shave my head. I would then shave my beard and 'stache and be completely clean shorn.
Option three: The 'Hawk. I've done it before, but the ridiculously colored mohawk is another of my options.
Option four: Mullet. Business in the front, party in the back. I'm pretty sure this one speaks for itself. Also, I can get into way more dirt racing conventions. While I've never been turned down, it is a great fear of mine to be shunned while attempting to enjoy a good ole dirt bike rally. This would merely be an innsurance policy against such a tragic event.
Option five: The Ceaser. Ringlets of bronzed hair circling my bared scalp. The main problem is that as my favorite past time is a board game centered on betrayal I would soon be saying "Et tu, Dan?"
Option six: The Manly Man. This haircut, sporting trendy side burns and a come hither goatee would be devestating to the female population of Morrison College. I fear that this hair style should never see the light of day 'top my brow.
Option seven: The bleach blond(e). The basic premise of this hair cut is that I would dip my head into some noxious brew and hope for some sort of super special power. I would be willing to risk turning into a super villian; its the chance some people have to take. Also, I'd like to appoligize for the picture: it was an off day that time, and I didn't have enough make up to hide that horrid zit. Please do not look at it.
Option the Dwight: The Dwight. This would be my homage to Dwight Schrute, pretty much the greatest man alive, bar none. It is not exclusive, as I could move on to all but option one after recieving the Dwight, so I may do it anyway. You comments on this pressing matter are deeply appreciated.
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5 comments:
Oh, AJ.
The diagrams are so realistic and accurate. I'm amazed at the artistic ability present even in your simple blog drawings.
But seriously though, funny.
Option the only one you should take: Leave both hair and beard alone. Trim when neccessary. But hey, I know what you're feeling - I just get holes in my face instead of bleaching/shaving off my hair. Do whatever you want. Except the 90s punk mohawk. One word to that: no.
I WILL hurt you if you get a mullet.
Like, come down to Proway (nice, BTW) and smack you around a little.
And then leave without hanging out.
That part will sting the most.
Option 5. You can pull it off.
-Susan
Go big or go home! I'm going with option two! Plus, if you don't like the way it turns out you can start from scratch and aim towards one of the other fabulous options you have there (minus the zit in option seven that i only read about and absolutely did not see, don't ever aim for bad skin).
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